On Growing Up


I distinctly remember being told, as a child, how as I grew older I would grow wiser and people would want to listen to my accumulated experience and knowledge, and how I would have to walk slower but would be all dignified and graceful and eventually white-bearded and wizardly. But NOBODY MENTIONED the part about randomly pulling muscles IN YOUR SLEEP and waking up with excruciating and pointless agony in your right shoulder and it HURTING to type. Seriously, what fresh hell is this? Nobody mentioned that part of aging and this seems to me like crucial, need-to-know information that I should have received BEFORE deciding to grow up. I have been lied to. I demand a refund. Also, ow.

Xan and Judah, my friends, young people: Run. Run while you can. I HAVE SEEN THE FUTURE AND IT IS OW.

Stant Litore

P.S. I will say that the occasional doses of random aging pain, while they cannot compare to the persistent and awful pain my wife and friends with chronic pain suffer, these moments do at least give me a fresh jolt of empathy. And admiration. The amount of pain my wife survives and works through on a daily basis: I have no idea if I could handle that. But she does. Constantly. She’s amazing.

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